Or: Kind of gay, but not too gay

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

(Author’s Note: There is some strong sexual and racial language in this piece. I don’t usually use that kind of thing in my writing, but I’m quoting someone else, and I’m not going to try to make it sound better than it was. It was awful.)

When I was 28 and my sister, Kitty, was 21, she said, during a random conversation about who knows what, the she didn’t believe bisexuals were a thing.

“You don’t…believe they’re a thing?” I repeated back to her.

“Nope,” Kitty said. “You’re either one or the other.”

I almost said told her then. I…


Or: Pondering my crazy on a scale of 1 to 10

Photo by Holger Link on Unsplash

I like to think everyone has irrational fears and that mine aren’t especially weird. I used to be afraid of birds until my jerk friends would do things like drive down the road with the windows down whilst driving through a flock of birds, so I got over that one.

(Birds are still super creepy, though, don’t get me wrong. They just no longer instill fear.)

Here are three things I’m afraid of that cause me real, deep fear down in the depths of my soul.

3. Movie theater bathrooms

Back when I was drinking soda, I felt like any…


Or: More insights into my dislike of Christianity

Photo by Ashton Mullins on Unsplash

My disdain of Christianity is fairly well documented, both here and in other places.

No.

I take that back.

It’s not Christianity I have a problem with. It’s a lot of Christians.

The people who claim a close relationship with Jesus, then throw their gay kids out of the house.

The people who claim to follow the Bible, but want to completely close down the United States’ borders.

The people who profess a love of their fellow man in the name of Christ, but who are, deep down, mean, nasty people who cover up their hideous souls with hymns and…


Or: That time I was high for three days

Photo by Monique Carrati on Unsplash

I have always been a very by the book type of gal; I’m a rule follower from way back. This character trait (probably a direct result of my religious upbringing) goes a long way towards explaining why I never did drugs of any kind.

(Well, that and Sweet Valley High #40: “On the Edge,” in which rich, beautiful, formerly deaf Regina Morrow dies after trying cocaine for the first time. I wonder how many late Gen X-ers and Elder Millennial girls never tried coke because of this book. Thanks, Francine!)

All of this to say, by the time I moved…


Or: I just can’t not now

Photo by Kevin Horvat on Unsplash

In a former life, I worked as an account manager for a software company, and part of my job was to solve issues for clients when things went wrong in their software.

The company had a database of past cases to help answer questions, so whenever a question I hadn’t seen before came in, I searched keywords in the database to (hopefully) find the answer.

At around 3 p.m. one Friday afternoon in August, I got an email from a client with an especially weird problem I’d never heard of before. It was a database error and, for the sake…


Or: How old were you the first time you felt objectified?

Photo by Boxed Water Is Better on Unsplash

I let a lot of things on my Facebook feed pass by without comment. The thousandth photo that day of your kid, a post about politics, pet photos…a lot of these pass by without me giving them much contemplation.

(Just kidding. I will 100% of the time like your pet photos.)

On Saturday, though, this photo showed up, posted by someone I know in Philadelphia:


Or: A Bigfoot sighting in the local history museum (Part 4 of 4)

Photo by Jonathan Larson on Unsplash

Did you miss parts 1, 2, and 3? Find them below!

It was 2017, and my one-sided, long-term relationship with Ezra Goldberg was still going strong. I kept up with his YouTube channel and checked every now and again to see if the fundraising party had been rescheduled. (To this day, it has not.)

In mid-2017, Nora met Katheryn, and they started dating. A few months into their relationship, I was in town, visiting from California, and I met Katheryn.

“You know what you have to do,” Nora said to me while the three of us were hanging out. …


Or: Ezra Goldberg is a star (Part 3 of 4)

Photo by Analise Benevides on Unsplash

Did you miss parts 1 and 2 of this series? Check them out below!

The year was 2016, and I was living in California.

My friend, Nora, was visiting me because she was on a work trip to Orange County. I hadn’t seen Nora in a few months, so we spent the first Friday night of her trip catching up and drinking a little too much wine. We had to be up the next morning to pick up one of her co-workers from LAX.

An hour or so before we had to leave for the airport, Nora was still snoozing…


Or: Yes, Virginia. Ezra Goldberg does exist (Part 2 of 4)

Photo by Rikki Austin on Unsplash

Did you miss Part 1 of this series? Check it out below!

The fact that the daughter of the man I’d had a minor background obsession with for the previous year had been the reason (OK, not the reason but the catalyst) for my being heartlessly dumped my freshman year of college made the story all the better.

I had a handful of friends who knew the story of Ezra, and I informed all of them about the latest twist in the story.

There are two ways to get out of my mom’s neighborhood, and, as it turns out, one…


Or: Where I begin my longest-term relationship with a man I’ve never met (Part 1 of 4)

Photo by Dane Deaner on Unsplash

This is a story that has taken part, in fits and starts, over the course of almost 15 years. It’s a story that gets to a point where you think, “OK, there’s no way this can get any more weird,” but then it takes a turn that would leave even M. Night Shyamalan saying, “Wow. That’s some twist!”

It’s the story of a man I’ve never met but whose career trajectory I’ve been following since I was in my very early 20's.

This is the story of Ezra Goldberg*.

The year was 2005. I was between my sophomore and junior…

Sarah Bee

Writer, Storyteller, Rambler, Cat Lady, Author

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